Monday, July 25, 2011

The Griswolds Got NOTHING On Us

So 10 years ago (exactly 10 years ago, to be precise), my family took a vacation. 

Or to be more detailed.  They took THE VACATION TO END ALL VACATIONS.  Atleast, that's how it's been described to me over the ensuing years. 

My mother, father, and sister drove the 10 hours from central Kentucky and met up with my cousins Barb, Robert, and their son Tyler in that play pit most of you refer to as Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  I stayed home to attend a wedding.  (And do some entertaining at the reception, but to the best of my knowledge only three pictures of that exist and I own one and know the owners of the other two, so life is good...)

So last summer Barb'n'Robert (as they are most commonly referred to by my people) wanted to do Best Vacation Ever: Part II, but Daddy had to up and get sick on us, and in general make life difficult.  Hence, the title of this post. 

While many of you will try to arm, leg, or thumb wrestle me for the title of the South's version of the Griswolds (see below), I will humbly submit why my family has flat out earned the title after not even one full day.

  • The Power of Positive Thinking Parent.  While one parent really wanted us to set out for the airport by 4:00, my mother had us loaded up and pulling out of the driveway at 3:11 a.m.  I know this because I was the fool behind the wheel.
  • The What'd He Say? Parent  In my entire 30 years of traveling with my mother and father, we had never taken an airplane trip together.  You have to know my father-he's known for saying pretty much anything.  And this was before the stroke.  I was on pins and needles about him getting through security because it'd be just like him to try and be funny and have it taken completely out of context.  Case in point:  I was trying to prep him for security.  "Daddy," I said, "they're going to ask you if you've been asked to transport any strange luggage or anything you don't know.  Now what'd you say?"  Without missing a beat, "Only by my family."
  • False Alarm So we made it 70 miles to the airport.  We're about to go through security and my sister's phone starts ringing.  Slightly odd, since it's 4:45 a.m. and we hear her trying to explain everything away.  As we start through the line, she announces, "I'm turning my phone OFF!! That was my boss.  She thought I'd been abducted."  (Now tell me what had gone on while I was parking the car to make that woman think that?)
  • We finally arrive.  Our first day is marred by headaches, vomiting, and other unmentionables.  Some people just don't know how to pace themselves. 
And the best part-that was just day 1.  Watch out Clark-we're gaining on ya.

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